I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
