dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
