she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
