Your tits are I can't wait for
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
