He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
