Ambien. No doubt about it.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Randomize
