When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
