I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
