I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
