I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
