My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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