Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
