Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
