Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
