Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
