Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
