I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize