If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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