R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
