stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
