She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
