Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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