I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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