I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
