turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
