Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
