I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize