thus making me awesome and them whores
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
