What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
