Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
