my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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