My brain says no but my pants say off.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize