Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
