Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
