Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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