Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
