i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
