dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
