my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
