just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
