I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
