I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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