I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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