sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
