Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
