How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
