He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
