he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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