I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
