The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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