hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
