Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
