I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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