i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
