we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
