Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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