i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
