one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
