It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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