I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
