Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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