we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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