i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
