Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
