What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How does one acquire holy water?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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