Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
