I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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