like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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