Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
