I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
