the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
