you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
