I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's always time for handjobs
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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