I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
