Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
