You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
