This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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