the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
