you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
