im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
