dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just had sex on a roof
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
