Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
