the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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