Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
