dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
